The Winter Olympics begin in Vancouver with the men’s downhill is on Saturday. It is probably the most spectacular event of the Games, so everything is downhill once it’s over. But never mind. Brace yourself for the world’s biggest festival of slithering and sliding. No doubt the television people will try to sell us the great excitement of it all. They are on the wrong tack when they do so. The great thing about watching winter sports is their calming effect on the viewer. Prolonged watching of skiing and curling becomes a deep and soothing form of meditation.

So I won’t start picking winners for you in the men’s downhill or ponder the eternal conundrum of whether or not Bode Miller cares enough about winning. Rather, I invite you to stare glassily at the screen and to marvel at the extraordinary things that humans get up to. Former hippies among our readers are recommended the snowboarding, especially the halfpipe. Remember the great Ross Rebagliati? He was the gold medal-winner who tested positive for cannabis, but kept the medal when he explained that he was the victim of passive smoking.

Paris waiting to exhibit wealth of nations
The RBS Six Nations Championship continues and we have a potential title decider as Ireland play France in Paris today. Ireland looked a bit under par last weekend, but then so did everybody else; it’s hard to find your best at the beginning of any tournament. But I’m hoping for a bit of traditional French devil — that would certainly fizz up the championship.

How we English love Alun Wyn Jones. Jones, playing for Wales last weekend, committed a spectacularly crass offence, got sent to the sin-bin and England scored 17 points in his absence. This one error has guaranteed England a half-decent tournament, for tomorrow they play Italy in Rome and do so with the first hints of a self-confidence that we haven’t seen for a good while.

It looks as if English fears of a truly calamitous Six Nations have been ruled out, and all thanks to a Wales lock. That’s a splendid thought, and if England can play out their Valentine’s Day fixture with their self-love intact, they might even build a little momentum. I expect the boys will be having a whip-round for Jones long before the season’s over.

FA Cup illustrates the high cost of failure
These days, the talk in football seems to have narrowed down to half a dozen clubs. One thought bothers me: who the hell are they supposed to play against? And who are they supposed to beat? What is the real role of the clubs that make up the numbers?

These things come into focus as the FA Cup moves into its fifth round this weekend, with a freakish number of the big clubs already knocked out. The Cup is famous for its upsets, but these days, once it’s had its upsets and lost the big names, it has nowhere to go. It becomes second-rate. But what does it take to reach that second tier of clubs? More than anyone can afford. Portsmouth and Southampton meet in the Cup for one of their traditional lovefests: two clubs who have tasted financial disaster in a wild, quixotic attempt to become chopping blocks for the big sides. Southampton began this season on minus ten points for going into administration, Portsmouth have spent the week trying to find the £12.1 million demanded by Her Majesty. We have reached the absurd point when clubs find that even failure is beyond their means.